Let them not seek to discover who I was from all that I have done and said. An obstacle was there that transformed the deeds and the manner of my life. An obstacle was there that stopped me many times when I was about to speak. Only from my most imperceptible deeds and my most covert writings-- from these alone will they understand me. But perhaps it isn't worth exerting such care and such effort for them to know me. Later, in the more perfect society, surely some other person created like me
will appear and act freely.
-Constantine Cavafy
Photos by Cynthia Davila // Geisha Gag by Coco de Mer // Cosmetics by Sugarpill // Hair by Crystel Franco // Makeup by Megan Martinez
I started being in photos and doing stage shows before I was 18. Don't worry! It was nothing illegal.
This is from my first event ever where I was 18 and legit...with my baby face and pvc.
Things started going down the path they went..one thing became another and I was a 'professional' naked internet lady.
Awww look at my chipmunk cheeks
I did take the modeling part a little too seriously though, and a year later I was 25 pounds less than that photo up there.
I was overworking myself and running 15+ miles a week and living off of Turkish Golds and black coffee. Then there was a small crash of 2005 not many people know about. Fast forward...being 20 and 21 isn't anything too interesting to write about. I went a lot of places and saw lots of things and met lots of people...actually it probably would be really interesting to write about. But I've got something better.
Okay so now it's the beginning of 2008 and I'm 22.
I'm doing yoga five times a week, riding my bike five times a week, always doing something outside, I'm vegan and completely drug-free. I won't even eat aspirin.
Then I took a plunge off the deep end sometime around April/May. .
That's July 25, 2008 in a secluded cabin in the mountains with Chase around 10pm. I don't know if you see the fear in my eyes but I was convinced I was going to die or "leave" that night. See, what happened in my case is I lived my life to the most perfect physical standards I could set for myself. Then one thing leads to another...and the next thing you think you've figured out how to get rid of the calcium build-up in your pineal gland and you think you can see your past and future all at the same time and somehow space is linear so you're speaking with people in the same space at a different time, but by our standards seems like it's the same time.. Seeing things by how they sound...okay this is turning into a horrible conversation I would be having in someone's backyard high on mushrooms at 6am inside a bouncy castle. God damnit, my thoughts never go in the direction I want them to.
That's me, really drunk in an inflatable pool completely encased in latex around 11pm one night. In other words I stopped exercising and being vegan and most importantly stopped being sober. So June-August I ran around the country drunk and on pills undoing all that hard work I did. And this is the outcome..
Really not proud of that.
In September 2008, Chase and I became sober again. I started exercising again. Slowly but surely, I got myself back together and I don't think I can talk to special people in different dimensions anymore. I'm 24 now and I take it day by day and still have my goals for the next couple of years. I'll be turning 25 this summer.
Now I'm just meeee. Happy and less insane.
(photo by Holli Streetman)
This is my last post here. From here out I'll be at my other blog keeping people updated.
My ass is one of my selling points. I'm 5'1 and I weigh 110 pounds. My legs are really short compared to other girls. My boobs are small. I have pointy ribs. I have a really bad tattoo being lasered off my left arm. But I'll always have a big ass, no matter how much weight I lose. Luckily I found Chase, a boy who has "I <3 Ass" tattooed on his leg. In fact, this is one of the first photos he ever shot and edited of me :
